-the body of actor David Carradine(Kung Fu,Kill Bill)was found in his Bangkok hotel room.despite a rope round his neck,it was almost immediately ruled as an accident.apparently,he was practising what is known as Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation:the practice of reaching an orgasm while oxygen supply to the brain is interfered with.in Carradine's case he tied a rope round his neck & genitals & locked himself in a closet & masturbated.why does that even have a name?who discovered it?alot of people dont know about it 'cos the only time you get caught doing it is when you're dead.so no embarrassment.doesnt this sound like something you would only catch Rob Schneider doing.
if only Uma Thurman knew this is how to Kill Bill.we wouldnt still be waiting for Kill Billl:Vol 3.
-& this incident comes as a relief to alot of comedians.infact,Bill Maher was overheard saying ''Thank You Lord''
-death by Auto Erotic Asphyxiation is now being described as th death method of choice for those who prefer laughter to mourning on their funerals.
-i only have one question,when they found him,was he 'done'.'cos it would be a shame for him to die for nothing.apparently,he masturbated so hard he went to heaven,literally.
-the last time there was such a media blitz over a celebrity incident was when an arresy warrant was issued for Michael Jackson.only that time it was about someone who was touching children & this time its about someone who was touching himself.
-& on a commemorative Larry King Live on Friday,Larry described David as a private person.i think what he meant was private parts person.
-but lets not jump to conclusions.maybe he was researching for a role.Carradine had been signed to appear as Bones on an upcoming live action Simpsons movie.i think he didnt hear well,'cos itr seems he was researching for Boner.
-this must be the stupidest thing he has done.oh,wait...he agreed to appear on that idiotic Rob Schneider movie.
-so Thai police walked into the room,found him in a closet naked with hands,neck & junk tied.& they immediately figured he was Auto-Erotic Asphyxiating.now i know why there is no CSI:Bangkok.if there was,it would last five minutes.
-according to 'experts',an orgasm reached during this act,is sort of like the high achived from taking drugs.this explains why there are no queues to the dope shop & why there is a winding queue around the rope shop.
-wasnt it just last week that Mike Tyson's 4 year old daughter was rushed to hospital after a cord was found round her neck & she later died?what are we not being told about that story?huh
-the head investigator in the Carradine case is called Porntip Rojanasunan.ok,now am sure we're all being Punk'd.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Howzit My China
-in the weekend,some 5 married priests were ordained into the catholic church.& of course this is drawing a lot of criticism.catholics believe that priests are better equipped to serve the church if they have a relationship with only God & altar boys.
-the priests are saying they're also human & deserve to get a chance to raise a family.apparently,they got tired of fondling other people's kids & decided to have their own.
-Tusker Project Fame is back.The makers say they hope the project serves its purpose of growing the music industry.yes,they want to grow it big enough to fit into Achieng' Abura's dress.
-& MPs passed a motion to allow for military intervention over the Migingo row.apparently this is being looked at as a fight for fishing ground,& Ugandan president Museveni said that the island is Kenyan but the water is Ugandan.you know how he figured the fish was Ugandan?its 'cos the fish cant speak english.
-Nation Media Group CEO said that they are planning on launching a new TV station.& following on footsteps of 1,2 Many, Wash & Set,etc, their aim will be to create programs that no one really wants to watch.
-Kiss FM will also launch a TV station,KissTV.& kenyans are really excited.they cant wait to see one program repeated 117 times a day.
-Osama bin Laden's 2nd in command released a video this week.apart from denouncing & threatening western powers,he expressed his dissapointment at Susan Boyle's loss on Britain's Got Talent.
-as you all know,Susan Boyle came second on Britain's Got Talent.which I've been trying to do for a long time.(dont worry,you'll get it)
-the EU will hold continent-wide elections this week.& Raila called a press conference to announce that Kibaki was planning on stealing that election.
-Kenya has refused to take in more pirates captured in the Indian Ocean.Kenya's argument is that the 212 MPs in parliament stealing from the public is as much pirates as they can take.
-K24 has been running a feature they've dubbed Kenya Inc. where they have viewers vote for people they'd rather see as president.1 of the front-runners is Safaricom CEO, Michael Joseph.its obvious that kenyans want change.after years of having fellow africans steal from them,they'd rather a white guy steal from them now.
-what a week:hawkers clashed with police in the city centre & live bullets were used,a man was whisked away after heckling the president at the madaraka day celebrations & the president proceeded to insult him & there's a new poisonous fertilizer scandal brewing.looks like things are back to normal.
-China is commemorating 20 years since the Tiananmen Square protests.say what you will,but China has come a long way in terms of human rights issues in my opinion.like 20 years ago dissenting citizens would be executed by a firing squad in public squares.but now,they take you to a secret location & hang you.
-seriously,a decade ago the chinese government would order tanks to roll over people.nowdays they kill kids using tainted milk & lead infested toys.
-its already 20 years since the Tiananmen Square protests.it just seems like twas yesterday.but in china,thats a long time,especially if you consider kids born around that time already have 15 years work experience.
-& some people are commemorating the day by boycotting the use of chinese products.apparently,its not working 'cos everything is made in china.
-chinese officials are barring western media from taping or photographing the memorial ceremony.they dont really have to use force.nobody can see anything through that polluted Beijing air.
-even though the government refutes it,the Red Cross once reported that upto 214,00 people were killed when the military intervened in the protests.you know what they call 214,00 people in china?..a Dozen.
-the priests are saying they're also human & deserve to get a chance to raise a family.apparently,they got tired of fondling other people's kids & decided to have their own.
-Tusker Project Fame is back.The makers say they hope the project serves its purpose of growing the music industry.yes,they want to grow it big enough to fit into Achieng' Abura's dress.
-& MPs passed a motion to allow for military intervention over the Migingo row.apparently this is being looked at as a fight for fishing ground,& Ugandan president Museveni said that the island is Kenyan but the water is Ugandan.you know how he figured the fish was Ugandan?its 'cos the fish cant speak english.
-Nation Media Group CEO said that they are planning on launching a new TV station.& following on footsteps of 1,2 Many, Wash & Set,etc, their aim will be to create programs that no one really wants to watch.
-Kiss FM will also launch a TV station,KissTV.& kenyans are really excited.they cant wait to see one program repeated 117 times a day.
-Osama bin Laden's 2nd in command released a video this week.apart from denouncing & threatening western powers,he expressed his dissapointment at Susan Boyle's loss on Britain's Got Talent.
-as you all know,Susan Boyle came second on Britain's Got Talent.which I've been trying to do for a long time.(dont worry,you'll get it)
-the EU will hold continent-wide elections this week.& Raila called a press conference to announce that Kibaki was planning on stealing that election.
-Kenya has refused to take in more pirates captured in the Indian Ocean.Kenya's argument is that the 212 MPs in parliament stealing from the public is as much pirates as they can take.
-K24 has been running a feature they've dubbed Kenya Inc. where they have viewers vote for people they'd rather see as president.1 of the front-runners is Safaricom CEO, Michael Joseph.its obvious that kenyans want change.after years of having fellow africans steal from them,they'd rather a white guy steal from them now.
-what a week:hawkers clashed with police in the city centre & live bullets were used,a man was whisked away after heckling the president at the madaraka day celebrations & the president proceeded to insult him & there's a new poisonous fertilizer scandal brewing.looks like things are back to normal.
-China is commemorating 20 years since the Tiananmen Square protests.say what you will,but China has come a long way in terms of human rights issues in my opinion.like 20 years ago dissenting citizens would be executed by a firing squad in public squares.but now,they take you to a secret location & hang you.
-seriously,a decade ago the chinese government would order tanks to roll over people.nowdays they kill kids using tainted milk & lead infested toys.
-its already 20 years since the Tiananmen Square protests.it just seems like twas yesterday.but in china,thats a long time,especially if you consider kids born around that time already have 15 years work experience.
-& some people are commemorating the day by boycotting the use of chinese products.apparently,its not working 'cos everything is made in china.
-chinese officials are barring western media from taping or photographing the memorial ceremony.they dont really have to use force.nobody can see anything through that polluted Beijing air.
-even though the government refutes it,the Red Cross once reported that upto 214,00 people were killed when the military intervened in the protests.you know what they call 214,00 people in china?..a Dozen.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
-last week,hawkers protesting in Mombasa burnt down a fire-truck.& this was not your usual fire truck.its computerised & is valued at 50 million.what an investment,a 50 million computerised fire truck that cant put itself out.i guess it wasn't programmed to Stop,Drop & Roll.
-the Tamil Tigers finally admitted that their leader is dead.they didn't admit earlier 'cos they thought it was embarassing that he had died of a heart attack after watching the American Idol finale.
-Maendeleo Ya Wanaume are claiming that 48% of married men admitted to pollsters that they're abused in their marriages.of course this shocked everybody.none was more shocked than Chris Brown.they said that the most abused are professionals,including politicians,lawyers,doctors & at least one president.
-remember that 23 year old Kibera boy that was shot during the post election violence?he's been in the news alot lately.alot of of people really responding to his plight now after it was highlighted in the news.support is pouring in from everywhere.people are pledging food,cash & to offset his medical bills.& Maddona offered to be his girlfriend.
-& the trial of the captured pirate is going on on New York.Interpol describes Pirates as with just basic education,poor & with access to guns.which is also how we describe our police force.
-North Korea has been testing nuclear missiles this week.& those missiles did a good job at knocking the Swine Flu stories off the headlines.I think all these things that are supposedly supposed to kill us are all in the minds of hypochondriac western media editors.last week we were all supposed to be killed by a disease that came from the union of a pig & a pigeon & now we're all going to be killed by the short crazy guy with heavy glasses,the same guy the same media reported a couple of months ago was dead.
-PLO Lumumba has released a book.i believe its called Conglomerates Against Obfuscate Maleficence & Barbiturate For Dummies.
-& back to Maendeleo Ya Wanaume,the spokesman had also called for the removal of the statue of a nude boy at the High Court entrance.this drew alot of interest.Madonna is already trying to adopt it,some catholic priests want to turn it into an altar boy,& Michael Jackson is asking if he can borrow it for the weekend.
-& yesterday there was a special edition of Larry King Live where all of the top 10 American Idols were interviewed by Ryan Seacrest.he got deep with the questions.he asked Anoop about his initial friction with Kara.he asked Lil' Rounds about coping with the genres.he asked Randy about the future of Idols,& then he asked Adam if he could borrow his lipgloss.
-& there's a new crime wave involving a group of people posing as police & robbing people after tricking them into believing that they need them to help out with investigations.the public is being warned to be wary of these fake cops.the commisioner is educating how to tell a real cop from a phoney.if a real cop wants you to help in investigations,they shoot you first.
-& Kimani Maruge,the world's oldest pupil got baptised over the weekend.i respect this guy,he's reaching milestone after milestone.i mean he enrollrd in school,can now read,learnt to write his name.achieved his dream of finally reading the bible.i think losing his virginity is next in line.
-the Tamil Tigers finally admitted that their leader is dead.they didn't admit earlier 'cos they thought it was embarassing that he had died of a heart attack after watching the American Idol finale.
-Maendeleo Ya Wanaume are claiming that 48% of married men admitted to pollsters that they're abused in their marriages.of course this shocked everybody.none was more shocked than Chris Brown.they said that the most abused are professionals,including politicians,lawyers,doctors & at least one president.
-remember that 23 year old Kibera boy that was shot during the post election violence?he's been in the news alot lately.alot of of people really responding to his plight now after it was highlighted in the news.support is pouring in from everywhere.people are pledging food,cash & to offset his medical bills.& Maddona offered to be his girlfriend.
-& the trial of the captured pirate is going on on New York.Interpol describes Pirates as with just basic education,poor & with access to guns.which is also how we describe our police force.
-North Korea has been testing nuclear missiles this week.& those missiles did a good job at knocking the Swine Flu stories off the headlines.I think all these things that are supposedly supposed to kill us are all in the minds of hypochondriac western media editors.last week we were all supposed to be killed by a disease that came from the union of a pig & a pigeon & now we're all going to be killed by the short crazy guy with heavy glasses,the same guy the same media reported a couple of months ago was dead.
-PLO Lumumba has released a book.i believe its called Conglomerates Against Obfuscate Maleficence & Barbiturate For Dummies.
-& back to Maendeleo Ya Wanaume,the spokesman had also called for the removal of the statue of a nude boy at the High Court entrance.this drew alot of interest.Madonna is already trying to adopt it,some catholic priests want to turn it into an altar boy,& Michael Jackson is asking if he can borrow it for the weekend.
-& yesterday there was a special edition of Larry King Live where all of the top 10 American Idols were interviewed by Ryan Seacrest.he got deep with the questions.he asked Anoop about his initial friction with Kara.he asked Lil' Rounds about coping with the genres.he asked Randy about the future of Idols,& then he asked Adam if he could borrow his lipgloss.
-& there's a new crime wave involving a group of people posing as police & robbing people after tricking them into believing that they need them to help out with investigations.the public is being warned to be wary of these fake cops.the commisioner is educating how to tell a real cop from a phoney.if a real cop wants you to help in investigations,they shoot you first.
-& Kimani Maruge,the world's oldest pupil got baptised over the weekend.i respect this guy,he's reaching milestone after milestone.i mean he enrollrd in school,can now read,learnt to write his name.achieved his dream of finally reading the bible.i think losing his virginity is next in line.
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